Finally, I can relax and do nothing for the whole day. It has been really hard. Studied really hard for half a year and yet still borderline. Really disappointed with myself. Feel shame to my friends and family. I think I don’t deserve such a bunch of friends and family. Really hurt.. Really painful.
The tear.. Not sure how many times I almost broke to tear. The tear of disappointment. The tear of fear. The tear of shame.
“Remember to give thanks and ask for guidance.”
“Remember this happened for a purpose.”
“Don’t give up because God never give up on you.”
“Don’t be scared because fear is not from God.”
“You are not alone.”
It’s easy to regain myself back because of the supportive friends and family members. However, it’s also a truth that my mental health was at a crisis. For the first time in my life, I experienced depression. I lost appetite, I avoided people, I don’t care about myself anymore.
Cannot remember how I turned back to normal. But I know it is because of my dear dear, my friends, my family and my God.
“Yes, Father. I know it happened for a purpose. I know it must be very painful to you as well to let all these happened to me. I will treasure these feelings. I will treasure this trial of life. Take me, mold me, use me, fill me, call me, guide me, lead me and walk beside me. I give my life to the potter’s hand.”
It is easier to give thanks with all our heart when facing the difficulties. It is easier to learn to summit yourself, your problems to the Almighty during the difficulties. It is easier to renew your faith during this time.
What in front of me is an absolute emptiness. Yes, I know God is there and there is no darkness in God for darkness is not from God. I am facing an uncertain future but knowing I will be fine, an unknown future but full with hope, a challenging future but full with joy.
The results of the exam is not important anymore. Giving is better than receiving. Giving your best is more important than receiving a good results. Giving yourself to others/God is more joyful than receiving blessings from others.
Could I ever thank You for
What You did at Calvary
When You bled and died for me
How could I ever turn away
Knowing that You paid the price
That I could never pay
